I've had the opportunity to go through to the 1st round of interviews with a few investment banks recently, & I've really been questioning whether or not the finance industry is for me, especially after the talk at church as we continued our series on Eccelsiastes. This week's focus was particularly on the place of work & being a Christian in your workplace.
After going for a couple of interviews, I think I've come to realise that the corporate world is really not for me. You have to be a particular kind of person -- someone who thrives under pressure, who is assertive, conversational & career-focused. And I don't think I'm at all like that. I'm not ambitious as all. After attending a group interview last week, I know I tend to shy away from people who are very out-spoken & assertive. They actually intimidate me. And the whole point of having numerous rounds of interviews with panels of senior management interviewing you is 'cos they want to see how well you handle pressure. And I can tell you don't think I handle it very well & I think I'll crack because I'd feel hat they were scrutinising & judging me.
If you'd known me before I came to Sydney, you'd never really pick that I was the same person. I used to be someone whom people thought was a natural leader. I was able to do a speech in front of the school without getting too nervous. However, I really dislike doing that now & I get really nervous, even if it's just a one-to-one interview & not a presentation. I used to be more assertive & I'd take initiative when it came to doing group projects. Now I just shy away & let someone else tell me what to do. I'd occasionally put in my two cents worth, but that's about it really. Of course, there are exceptions, but I'm speaking in general terms.
Have I lost my sense of confidence somehow? Or have I learnt that not everything can be under my control? Sometimes I think it's probably a good thing. Although, some might argue that you'd see snippets of the old me come out occasionally. And I do admit I am still somewhat of a control freak, but somehow I don't think I'd be as humble as I am now if I'd kept my old character (not that I'm very humble now... you get what I mean). I used to think I'd like to be someone with a high-flying career, like my dad. But if I had a choice, I'd choose to work part-time while serving my husband at home, or to be a full-time mum & wife. I'd find so much more satisfaction doing something like that which I think is meaningful, rather than working in a money-making firm. But that's why the talk on Sunday frustrated me, because I know sometimes you have no choice because you need to earn a living. Practically, you need to have money to support yourself even before you can do something like MTS.
Another thing about the interviews now is that I feel like I'm kind of lying when I tell them I'm really interested in pursuing a career in finance. The truth is, I really am not at all. I don't think I'd like to work in the finance sector. The only reason why I'm looking for one at the moment is because they offer internships for the summer & I need a job next year so I can save up for MTS in 2008. Somehow I don't think that's something they'd like to hear. I know at the end of the day, God will provide me with a job that's suitable. And if my heart's in the right place & if it's His will, then nothing can stop me from doing MTS. But right now, I'm struggling a little with the whole honesty & integrity thing. Maybe I shouldn't be looking for a job in the corporate world if I'm not interested. My dad would probably flip out if I tell him what I plan to do.
I've got another interview coming up with Macquarie Bank. Sigh... I hope it goes ok. I really pray that God will provide me with all the things I need to do His work. Or maybe I just need to trust Him a little more & just take a leap of faith.
After going for a couple of interviews, I think I've come to realise that the corporate world is really not for me. You have to be a particular kind of person -- someone who thrives under pressure, who is assertive, conversational & career-focused. And I don't think I'm at all like that. I'm not ambitious as all. After attending a group interview last week, I know I tend to shy away from people who are very out-spoken & assertive. They actually intimidate me. And the whole point of having numerous rounds of interviews with panels of senior management interviewing you is 'cos they want to see how well you handle pressure. And I can tell you don't think I handle it very well & I think I'll crack because I'd feel hat they were scrutinising & judging me.
If you'd known me before I came to Sydney, you'd never really pick that I was the same person. I used to be someone whom people thought was a natural leader. I was able to do a speech in front of the school without getting too nervous. However, I really dislike doing that now & I get really nervous, even if it's just a one-to-one interview & not a presentation. I used to be more assertive & I'd take initiative when it came to doing group projects. Now I just shy away & let someone else tell me what to do. I'd occasionally put in my two cents worth, but that's about it really. Of course, there are exceptions, but I'm speaking in general terms.
Have I lost my sense of confidence somehow? Or have I learnt that not everything can be under my control? Sometimes I think it's probably a good thing. Although, some might argue that you'd see snippets of the old me come out occasionally. And I do admit I am still somewhat of a control freak, but somehow I don't think I'd be as humble as I am now if I'd kept my old character (not that I'm very humble now... you get what I mean). I used to think I'd like to be someone with a high-flying career, like my dad. But if I had a choice, I'd choose to work part-time while serving my husband at home, or to be a full-time mum & wife. I'd find so much more satisfaction doing something like that which I think is meaningful, rather than working in a money-making firm. But that's why the talk on Sunday frustrated me, because I know sometimes you have no choice because you need to earn a living. Practically, you need to have money to support yourself even before you can do something like MTS.
Another thing about the interviews now is that I feel like I'm kind of lying when I tell them I'm really interested in pursuing a career in finance. The truth is, I really am not at all. I don't think I'd like to work in the finance sector. The only reason why I'm looking for one at the moment is because they offer internships for the summer & I need a job next year so I can save up for MTS in 2008. Somehow I don't think that's something they'd like to hear. I know at the end of the day, God will provide me with a job that's suitable. And if my heart's in the right place & if it's His will, then nothing can stop me from doing MTS. But right now, I'm struggling a little with the whole honesty & integrity thing. Maybe I shouldn't be looking for a job in the corporate world if I'm not interested. My dad would probably flip out if I tell him what I plan to do.
I've got another interview coming up with Macquarie Bank. Sigh... I hope it goes ok. I really pray that God will provide me with all the things I need to do His work. Or maybe I just need to trust Him a little more & just take a leap of faith.
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